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 New Millennium Ministries
Consulting & Biblical Counseling Center


You Say Youíre Codependent


A very close acquaintance of several years often recites the phrase "the child within" when referring to her pain and the need to overcome feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, and anger, which she claims results from being abused by an alcoholic father and later by her alcoholic and drug addicted son. This person is also a "Mrs. Fix-it" for miles around, cannot say no to anyone, is easily taken advantage of, and likes to play the Garden of Eden syndrome game. (Gen. 3:12-13) Everything that happens to her is someone elseís fault. This individual leads a codependent group in a local church and has begun to speak about her needs and her right to be happy. This pursuit has become almost hedonistic in the sense that this has become the total focus of her life.

Perhaps my friend is a lot like you. So, OK, sure, you just gotta be you. Therefore, join right in your local twelve step group, find that higher power, however you define it, and be happy. Heal that child within, and fill those longings and yearnings in your soul. After all, youíre a good person, you have needs. Those needs demand satisfaction. You have a right to be happy. You have a right to do what makes you feel comfortable. You have a right to be free

Thereís only one problem. If no one else can meet your needs, if nothing else seems to bring happiness into your life, what makes you think you can? Certainly we are all imperfect! But is this imperfection the result of faulty thinking, lousy circumstances, such as a dysfunctional family, sexual abuse, or your own addictions. Is it possible that this imperfection could be the result of something else. Could it be that in order to find what youíre looking for, you will discover that it is what happens in you that is more important than what happens to you?

Right on, you say! Thatís my sentiment exactly! Well, OK, now at least we are able to look objectively at some basic truth. It is not necessarily a popular truth in our day. In fact, it is not popular to talk about this in the language of codependency, nevertheless, I must, you see, because the way to overcoming our pain and wounds is not a journey through our own wisdom, nor the wisdom of others. Release does not come to us through the god of self or the religion of self-help. Likewise, a fixation with our problems will do us no good. Healing and recovery meet us only at the foot of the cross of Jesus Christ, where our redemption, our healing, our recovery, is already complete because of the power of His resurrection. As the prophet Isaiah said, "He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. He was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows...he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 53:3-5 NIV) If anyone has ever, or will ever, "feel your pain", surely it was Jesus. This same Jesus says, "come unto me all ye who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28 NIV) My yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matt.11:30 NIV) He also says, "he came to seek and to save those who are lost:" (Luke 3:23 KJV) And since we all have sinned and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) we are totally incapable of fixing ourselves.

If youíre tired of being controlled by others, or tired of trying to control others; if youíre looking for love and happiness in all the wrong places; if you are pursuing health, comfort, power or just want to be loved; then come to Jesus who laid down his life in order that you might experience the fullness of Godís perfect love in your heart and soul. Give Jesus your inner child. Your inner sin nature, which separates you from God and others, will be reborn and you will no longer be separated from the love of God. Therefore, you will be able to love your neighbor as yourself (Matt 23:39 KJV) because you will have finally found what your heart so long has craved.

Finally, your life will be complete and you will be able to rise above your past, and yes, even above your present. You will live a holy life that is being made perfect and a life that is filled with hope and happiness. Thereís only problem, and itís really not a problem. Youíll still be codependent, but now you will be depending on the true higher power, not the power of your inner self. As Peter says, "therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do. For it is written: Ďbe holy, because I am holy.í"(I Peter 1:13-16 NIV) "For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers; but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect." (vs 18-19) Through Him you believe in God who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God." (vs 21)

Written by Cyril G. Page



Anger Management
Emergency Numbers
Overcoming Harmful Habits
Distinctives of Biblical Counseling
Sexual Relationships
Stress & Anxiety

Cyril G. Page, Director
New Millennium Consulting & Biblical Counseling Center.
4 Universal Way, Suite 104
Jackson, Michigan 49202
(517) 740-4966



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